Missing
by Salkiethia
Summary: ONESHOT: Gothic tribute to anime. Or would that be the other way around? Rated for drug use. Songfic to Evanescence's Missing.


Author's Note: If you want this to make any sort of sense, read closely. There's a lot of past/present flip-flopping.

* * *

The fluorescent lights of the hospital flickered, dimly illuminating a young man laid out across one of the beds. In the strange way white has of kidnapping color from its surroundings, so had the starched sheets leeched all traces of color from the boy. Only the irregular pulse in his neck and the faded rise and fall of his chest gave any indication he was alive.  
Alive.  
But only just.

xxx

_Please, please forgive me, but I won't be home again._

The needle tip burned its way into his arm. He gritted his teeth through the pain, waiting for the blessed oblivion they all had promised.  
Waiting for the welcoming darkness…  
His arms began to tingle like they'd fallen asleep, and his legs simply gave out from under him. His head hit something – the wall, maybe? It hurt in a far-off sort of way, not at all like the immediate pain of the syringe still embedded in the crook of his elbow. And even _that_ hurt was beginning to fade as his vision blurred. Waiting for the dark's welcome embrace.  
It was dark all right, but nothing near welcome.  
_Not_ the darkness of the eternity he'd asked for, but the darkness of his nightmares. Shadows tore themselves to bits around him.  
He could not move, drifting in limbo paired with every fear he had.

xxx

He watched the young man, sharp eyes picking out the erratic sequence of jerks that was breathing.  
The poison meant to kill one soul had encountered two.  
He could feel the nightmaring mind of his partner, straining to find a handhold in his own twisted universe. But he couldn't help him with the nightmares. He only could deal with one thing.  
The toxin would destroy one. But, they could combine and force half of themselves to succumb.  
Heart, mind, body and soul. Kill half of each and blend a new whole.  
He could do it. He would give up his chance to regain his memories to keep his aibou alive.  
I once promised I would be content with the memories we built together. I will not back out of that, little one.

xxx

He was alive, surrounded by four friends. Gold, silver and a double set of mahogany. They couldn't see him.  
Their focus was on the one lying in silence.  
Wasn't _that_ odd, then?  
They didn't answer him.  
/Mou hitori no boku – what's wrong?/  
/You're dying, aibou./  
/How?/  
/A poison that kills souls. It is a miracle you are still here at all – that either one of us is./  
/Oh./  
/If we give up half of ourselves, we both may survive this. Heart, mind, body and soul, aibou. Half to stay, half to go. The choice is yours./  
/But you don't have a body to give…/  
/Then that is one I suggest you keep./

xxx

Heart, mind, body, soul.  
Save these two, let those go.  
How did one choose?  
Heart.  
Mind.  
Body.  
Soul.  
He kept body.  
Heart, mind soul.  
Which two to let go?

xxx

He opened his eyes. It was dark. Not the welcoming dark of oblivion but the dark before his worst nightmares. The nightmares born of syringe needles and drug overdoses.  
He was lost in them.  
He didn't notice his hands on his neck until he began choking himself.

xxx

The shrieks roused him from his restful state. The door between rooms was locked and could not be forced.  
He couldn't save him. Couldn't protect him.  
His fingernails bit into his palms as he pounded helplessly at the stone door.  
This can't go on.

xxx

He could feel the weakness in his partner's body. The numbing drugs had taken hold.  
It began to eat away at him the moment he let his tattered shields drop. Burning acid swirled around his legs, taking him slowly.  
You're not all here, it whispered, taunting. Not all here at all.  
He whimpered as it crept up his legs, at once an inferno's heat and artic chill.  
Where is the rest of you? Promised one soul – one being. Mind, heart, soul…and body. Where is your body  
Further now, drinking in his pain as it lapped at his thighs.  
He didn't have one.  
Then should I take the little one's?  
No!  
Acid splashed up, burned a hole through his shoulder.  
You'll still exist, even when you're gone, it insisted. You must disappear completely.  
Don't hurt him.  
A nasty laugh. Only you. He'll lose his memories – they all will. Then you will be gone.  
The venom had paused in its ascent.  
Only his memories?  
All of theirs.  
Only memories?  
Only memory.  
Do it.  
It surged to his waist, sizzling in delight.

_Maybe someday you'll look up and barely conscious you'll say to no one, Isn't something missing?_

You know he won't.

_You won't cry for my absence I know. You forgot me long ago._

Afraid? He'll live without you.

_Am I that unimportant? Am I so insignificant?_

He won't wonder.

_Isn't something missing?_

You know he won't.

_Isn't someone missing me?_

You're still here and he doesn't even know you…

He was in the hall between their soul rooms. A movement from his aibou's room – that was his aibou!  
His other half froze seeing him.  
What are you doing here? Flat. Fear-voice.  
He faltered. Aibou, it's me. He stepped forward.  
Get away! Fear. FearfearFEAR!

I told you…  
The voice was back, dragging him away from his precious aibou.

_Even though I'm the sacrifice, you won't try for me, not now. Though I'd die to know you love me, I'm all alone…_

The emptiness consumed him.

_Isn't someone missing me?_

xxx

You can watch him for eternity.  
He stayed close, just out of reach, watching, following as a ghostly presence in his own mind. Nothing more, certainly not corporeal.  
Then –

_Please, please forgive me. But I won't be home again._

Aibou – NO!

_I know what you do to yourself. I breathe deep and cry out._

Violet eyes drift shut.

_Isn't something missing? Isn't someone missing me?_

xxx

He clawed madly at the air, trying to get back to that indifferent figure.

_Even though I'm the sacrifice, you won't try for me, not now._

Aibou!

_Though I'd die to know you love me, I'm all alone…_

He doesn't know you.  
AIBOU!

_Isn't someone missing me?_

xxx

_And if I bleed, I'll bleed, knowing you don't care._

They didn't care what he got into, what he got up to. He hadn't had the nerve to try that again after the hospital – not yet.  
But there were plenty of other ways to see things that weren't there. The needle went into his arm and pumped his bloodstream full of another drug.

_And if I sleep, just to dream of you…_

Sleep and dreams were good, except for the waking up part.

_I'll wake without you there._

They filled that emptiness with something, answered his question…

_Isn't something missing?_

Sleep was coming.

_Isn't something…_

xxx

A stranger struggled against something, trying to get to him.  
Calling to him, for him.  
He was scared and ran. Away, into wakefulness.  
His bag was next to him, sitting open, inviting him. That one was on top, beckoning.

_Even though I'm the sacrifice…_

They won't remember me.

_You won't try for me, not now_.

Didn't care before.

_Though I'd die to know you love me, I'm all alone. Isn't something missing?_

The familiar prick of the needle dropped his guard. He flushed its toxic contents into his body and settled back, waiting. He didn't have to wait long.  
His eyes began to close.  
Before they shut entirely, he thought he saw the stranger from his dream.  
Hallucinating again. Last time.  
But he had to look again.  
Their eyes locked.

_Isn't someone missing me?_


End file.
